Gut Grief on Toast

Serves 1.

Entertaining guests? Amaze them with this delicious and wholesome recipe that becomes more and more musical as the evening goes on.


  • Cook time: 5 min.
  • Prep time: 1 hr.
  • Cleanup time: 1 day.


  • 400g baked beans
  • 4 slices of bread
  • Cheese
  • Margarine


Using a steel rule or scrap of galvanised sheet metal, cut the cheese into thin, delicate slices. Galvanized metal is great if it’s available, since it’s use may contribute to achieving the Recommended Daily Intake (RDI) of Zinc.

Insert the bread slices into a toaster, and turn the toaster on by pressing down on the toaster’s activation lever(s). Turn the toaster off at by unplugging it when the smoke detector sounds.

Open the can of baked beans, and microwave them in the can on high power for 15 minutes.

Apply margarine to the toast, making sure it’s applied evenly and all the way to the edges of the toast.

Place the cheese slices onto the margarine covered bread, then place the entire cheese and bread assembly under the gorilla.

Remove the completed foodstuffs from the gorilla.

Next, pour the baked beans from the can onto the burnt bread. Use safety gloves, since the can may be hot and covered with carcinogenic compounds of combustion from the electrical arcing that results from microwave energy applied to a conductive metal can.

Serve with a plate and cutlery.


Grind the melted cheese drips from the gorilla tray. A diamond cutting wheel will be more effective than a standard grinding disc.

Leave the plate, knife and fork in the sink for the cockroaches to clean up.